Category Archives: humor
Many of you have followed Missy the Wonderdog‘s adventures on FB for over a decade.
Cow dog, business dog, chicken herder extraordinaire, teacher, companion, playmate,
garden guard, doorstop, protector.
(she is also the reason Big Papa’s favorite truck sounds like being in a wind tunnel)
Missy was our rescue pup. She was actually being born as her mama was being rescued from a puppy mill that had gotten out of hand.
Big Papa said NO DOGS IN THE HOUSE.
And then she turned those great big brown eyes on him and it became “Only in the mud room.” Pretty soon she had commandeered a spot by the wood burner and Big Papa would play dolly with her. When spring came, she was given a deluxe dog house outside complete with mobile fur coats (cats) to keep her warm on cool days.
Missy was supposed to be a cattle dog. And she was… She would drink from bottles just like the calves, she would eat hay and grain just like the big Girlz, slept in the roundy-rounds with calves, she played with all the cows and followed them everywhere. She even swam from time to time in the watering trough. Missy could help herd the cows. Right up until a gate or barn door was open. And then she would go sit in the opening, barring them from entrance!
So- technically she was a cattle-dog. Just not the way Big Papa wanted.
Eventually Missy learned to ride the 4-wheeler to better chase her Girlz and bring them treats. She loved the wind in her hair!
Missy also became the unofficial spokes-dog for ShopSmallSaturday championing small
Now- back to the Not-in-the-house thing….. Missy was a smart girl. She knew exactly when Big Papa left the yard. And as soon as his truck cleared the tree row, she would be at the door. I am a sucker for a cute face, so I would let her in.
And on the days she was in the house I would sweep and mop to hide the evidence. Bless the day my mother-in-law called and told me to get a Swiffer!! So much faster and easier!! Thankfully I was also starting get grey hairs about this time, so sometimes Big Papa would spy some fur I overlooked and I would say “Ohhhh! Must have been mine!”
Mostly I liked having her IN the house on the nights Big Papa worked away from the farm. She always made me feel safe.
One time, Big Papa came back home shortly after leaving… as he was parking I was literally dragging Missy the Wonderdog out the other door! Almost busted!!
Missy wasn’t supposed to ride in the car either. There may or may not have been an incident with Lilly the Lab and his favorite pickup years before that made him forever bar me from doggie rides in the car.
Eventually though, Missy won and commandeered a spot in the old farm truck and would help me drive from field to field.
Missy the Wonderdog became part of the family. A constant companion, always happy to just sit nearby and offer us wags and smiles.
Over the years the kidd-o’s accused me of treating her better than I treated them. (SHE never talked back or held her hand out and was always happy)
This year Missy slowed down. We’d go for walks and she’d stop and rest. I thought it was
because she was a little on the fluffy side after retiring from full time cow and chicken herding. As it turned out, she had the cancer.
For love of us, Missy the Wonderdog concealed her pain and discomfort for a long time.
The decision to let her cross the rainbow bridge was a heart wrenching one. It was decided that we would let her be until she was no longer able to be a dog but before she couldn’t do her job anymore. Missy kept her Doggie Dignity. As long as she was still walking out to the coop for a daily chicken head count (we no longer had cattle at this point) all was good. One day, she looked at me and let me know in her own way that it was time.
We had made arrangements with our vet to come to the house to help Missy cross the Rainbow Bridge painlessly and in comfort, surrounded by her friends (cats and chickens) and family (Big Papa and I ). Holding on to her Dolly and snuggled on her favorite blankie with us petting and crooning to her, she slipped away to a better place.
We know without a shadow of doubt that D’art, Mosely, Lilly-puttin, Bambii the Amazing Albino Elk and her favorite Girlz -Barbie and Rusty were waiting to walk her across.
I was working in the garden the next afternoon (-one of her favorite places to hang out in the summer) feeling incredibly sorry myself, when I heard a very faint, muffled barking. I knew in that instance Missy the Wonderdog was letting me know she arrived safely on the other side and is still watching over me from afar.
“And when my time on earth is done,
And at heaven’s gate I’m near,
I don’t want any harps or horns,
Just … happy barks to hear.”
Once upon a time in a far off land….
I was young once. And cute. But not heartless- until one fateful day….
Way back when, there was a boy I went to school with, Dave Etchison- a nice enough boy, as boys went back then. He pursued me relentlessly. I still have no idea what the fascination was. And I tried everything to get him away from me….Out right “NO” didn’t work, I sicced my brother on him, I dated his brother, I told my friends to tell him Buzz Off… nothing was working!
This young man would walk from his place to our before school trying to catch me before I left so we could walk together… Now get this… he lived over a mile from the school one direction and we lived a mile from it the other direction… I give him props for dedication to the cause!
One day, as I was trying to sneak out the side door (I saw him waiting out front) , he busted me…. and he gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a Barry Manilow 45 ~ “I can’t smile without you”
I don’t know what came over me… But I threw his record on the ground and stomped it into a million pieces and stormed off to school.
I think he got the message. He didn’t talk to me for a couple years!
But fast forward a couple years post graduation… a mutual friend was on his way to pick me up “my friend is driving” .. Guess who the friend was??? And guess what friend tried to play with my knee like it was the stick shift???
Yeah- that’s right… I cheerfully reminded him of The Incident
Once upon a time in a far off land…. Okay, not so far off, but it sure seemed like it!
Cope, Colorado is 130 East of Denver and 75 miles from ‘anywhere else’. We used to live there. Mind you, this is out there in the sandhills, with a population of a hundred. If you wanted an espresso, or French press or any other ‘fancy’ coffee~ you were pretty well out of luck.
One day a huge 1/2 page ad popped up in our bitty local paper…. advertising for the small town 45 miles North…
NEW COFFEE SHOP OPENING!!!! WE HAVE ESPRESSO!!!!
Holy smokes!! In the blink of an eye, I was the horn to my friend Shannon. We were both totally twitterpated! ESPRESSO… here we come. We made plans…
Shann lived 15 miles South of town and were 15 North of town. I bundled my two kiddos into the van (yes.. the “Down by the river” van) and headed off to pickup Shann and her three kids. and off we went, backtracking 65 miles up to Yuma only to find out that the “Espresso” they served was that push-button gas station variety.
Talk about heartbreak! We weighed the options, told the kids to settle in and we headed for
Sterling… another 50+ miles.. to a place we knew without a doubt had “the Real Deal” Did I mention ‘Da Van had no AIR and it was the middle of summer??
So… 200+ miles and an entire day later, we had our two dollar drinks and the kids had theirs. (back then they were ‘only’ 2.50!)
Lesson learned…. When you live ‘out there’ call and ask first!
~ Today on the radio I listened to an interview between well known Italian chef Gino D’Acampo and a British talk show host… and of course the moment I got in the house I HAD to Google the live event….
In a nut shell~ The host insults the poor man by saying “If you just add ham….” who quickly replies with
“if’a my Grand-a-mutha had wheels, she’d’a be a bike-a”
Can you Hear the cadence and inflection in your head?? I can.
I laughed and laughed.
Because I am half Italian. and I understand. COMPLETELY.
~When we were younger, my brother told my mother that her cooking was “ALMOST as good s Chef-Boy-R-Dee”
My mother went on strike with some gestures and muttering with what we loosely translated to mean “If we ever wanted another hot meal, we’d damn well better fix it ourselves because we sure the heck-0 weren’t getting it from her.” (ever)
I actually have some very funny stories about being Italian… But we’ll save those for a later date! WHY??? Because I will have to run fast when my Mother finds out I put her picture in here! ~
Always an adventure.
The hubby tries. He really does.
But you would think, being that we actually live in the same house- he would KNOW my tastes…
I have learned over the years to be pretty specific.
There was the year that I had mentioned new pots and pans were needed… (waaaaaaaay before Christmas!) and an Electric Skillet with 5 pounds of Potatoes appeared
This year my list looks a lot like a ransom note.
I cut out pictures of item specific things I would like and pasted them to paper along with Where they could be gotten. I only listed the stores I actually thought he would go IN
Fingers are crossed!
So my cousin Hannah has come for a month long visit to our farm. She is 9 years old.
At first I was “What am I supposed to DO with a GIRL?” We raised Boys!
~As it turns out, there was nothing to fear.~ We both speak SARCASM fluently.
She was (is) a self admitted “indoor” girl.
Well- things have changed a smidge.. I am sure her Mama will have a few bad habits to break!
BOOTS go with everything. Hannah has worn her boots more that her sandals and hasn’t even touched tennis shoes yet. 🙂
COOKIES for breakfast are ok sometimes.
WALKS are great for dream making… Hannah wishes to be an Artist or a Fashion Designer… I hope she follows her dreams, where ever they may lead.
Dirt won’t kill you… we have been in the garden daily. she has learned to simply rub things that fall in the dirt on her pants and keep on going…
She can DO ANYTHING. She has learned that with a little perseverance and cussing, all tasks are do-able! So very proud of her!!
Coffee nearly BLACK… and a sweet tooth for French Vanilla flavoring.
POLKAand two-step are a must have in the dance repository if you want to be ‘social’ around these parts.
HAY BALES are great fun. So is the quad and the dog. CHICKENS will follow you like the Pied Piper.
Well~ I gotta run. More on our adventures later…. sewing, baking, swimming, dancing and more! We have MEMORIES to go make!
I don’t know what me think of it today…
A few years ago, I had run down to Colorado to see my son, The Marine, who was on leave visiting his grandma. He said “I’ll meet you at the airport, Mom before we each fly out.
He is NOT a morning person. At all.
I was already through security and on the other side waiting….and waiting…and waiting some more.
I finally just got on the train went to my gate. ..He had told me he was on the same airline. Turns out NOT! But I didn’t know that yet. He calls me from the other side of security…
He had JUST arrived!… (kids… sigh)
Holy S*** MOM!!! What do I doooooooo?? I HAVE to get on that plane!
Good Mama that I am, I immediately find the nearest gate girl, explain that the kidd-o is still in security and his flight is going to leave. SOON. Gate girl is awesome. She calls downstairs, get him a cart to grab him and his gear and bring him directly to the terminal… So I call him back and ask Where is he so they can fetch… Hahahahaha… He’s on another carrier!!!
The fabulous gate girl, still made a few calls and got him through security lickity quick. After that he was on his own.
Me??? I was sulking because I knew I would not be seeing The Marine before I left. The two areas of DIA are literally a mile apart.
My plane is starting to board. And suddenly you hear “Hey Damnit” and then “Look out!!!”
and…… Mooooooooommmmmmmmmm!!!! I’m coming!!!!!! WAAIIITTTTTTT!!!!
And lo and behold, here comes my son, in full gear… Duffle on back, bags in hand… doing THE OJ …. leaping over chairs and small kids in a single bound. ( he may have elbowed one two people out of the way too)
My son, The Marine, had RUN the entire length of DIA just to see his Mama off and take a quick picture before SPRINTING all the way back to grab his plane.
I love that kid!
How did wanting 4 layers and 1 noisemaker (rooster) turn into 50 chicks and 10 ducks????
I was perfectly ok with buying a few grown layers from the neighbor. But alas, over coffee with the father-in-law…they morphed!
(but he did promise he would help at butchering time)
And Yes…. If I thought for a minute I could add food coloring to their water and make them change color ~ I WOULD~ 🙂
Our cows are mostly Catholic according to hubby… They are trained to line up and stick their tongues out on cue and ‘accept’ their treats. The one , I am sure is boarder line diabetic… she LOVES peppermint and brownies.
And the chicks always make me want to go to another Mike The Headless Chicken Festival! Mike is a true story about a chicken that didn’t die after they tried to butcher it!! No kidding!! he went on to perform at Coney Island, the Santa Monica Pier and more.. it’s really an interesting story. Click the link and read all about it.
The festival is great fun too. They have “Mike parade” where you and your pets have to dress up as “mike’, fried chicked and all manner of strange fun! The kids still regale their friends with tales about it.