Monthly Archives: November 2017

This mother’s tears

This mother wept today.. Tears of frustration.  This is the first time I have not

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been able to find some crazy solution and save the day.

When hubby got hurt this spring we needed help. On the farm and in the business. We asked our youngest to take a leap of faith and throw his lot in with ours- we offered a fair wage in return for an honest days work and cattle to boot, and if he worked hard, the prospect of taking over our generally very lucrative business.

Fast forward to just weeks before Christmas, and hubb’s drops the bomb on me that he’s going to have to lay the kidd-o off. – All winter, it looks like.- For whatever reason, business is slow in our industry right now. All over.

Guess who gets to break the news to him tomorrow??

No matter how I run numbers, there is simply no way to pay for both households.

My heart aches. We asked him to give up city life and move to the country and a goo

d job to boot, to come to our rescue. And now we’re going to throw him under the bus.

 

I have never NOT found a way to come through for the kids. And trust me- there’s been some insurmountable odds over the years and I always found a way to come up smelling roses. So- tears of hurt, tears of rage and tears of fear.

Hurt because I have to be the bad guy, rage because I can’t see a way out and fear because I fear he won’t help when business picks back up- and a bigger fear that he’ll be so damn mad he doesn’t talk to us again. Not that I wouldn’t blame him.

So- now here I am at midnight… tossing out my resume to nearly anywhere…. Maybe if I can land a town job, that will take the edge off…

This mother’s tears- tears he will never know.

-Katy-

PS…. I now know exactly how my dad felt.

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